I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
