i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
