She is in my trunk
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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