Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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