it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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