she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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