I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
