The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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