well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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