I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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