Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
