addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
