I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
