i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
