My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
