i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
