So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is wine microwaveable?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
