i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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