There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
