Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
