but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
