dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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