i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All the doctor said was why
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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