i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No...this little piggys going to the bar
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
