her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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