i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
