sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
