before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
