I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
