Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
