dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
