I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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