sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
