in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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