Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
