Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
