I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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