we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
