She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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