I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
