fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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