i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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