I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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