Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
