When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
