i would punch a child for taco bell
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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