Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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