He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
