that's an acceptable place to lick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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