.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
