No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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