I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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