I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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